- First thing is Acceptance. Yes, something has happened and we feel so much, we think we can’t take it. But it’s already happened and there’s nothing we can do, we cannot turn back time. And if you deny it, nothing will ever change.
- Take control of your emotions. If you choose to cry, then you will cry.
- Do not dwell into the past. After we have perceived the reality, part of it is moving on. You should avoid getting back into the situation all over again as this will only remind you of being hurt. Look into the future and face the brightest days of your life ahead and learn from the situation.
- Try to focus on the positives, as your body feels the emotional burden you are carrying harbouring negative feelings can make you unwell in the long run.Surround yourself with all the good things in life, like your family, friends, special someone, and many others. Be inspired by them to recover and eventually move on from that hurt feeling.
- Reflection: Is there a pattern that repeats itself? think about what it is that you think or believe that may result in being confronted or placed in a situation that you feel you always find yourself in. This is happening, like a recurring dream to make you take notice.
When things get overwhelming in life they tend to fall into three categories: things we can fix, things we have to put up with and things we should walk away from. You need to get some mental stability to work out which is which first – because it is impossible when you are overwhelmed and your mind is like a never ending carnival haunted house ride.
Make time for yourself quietly, and grab pen and paper (or your ipad etc) and write – Calming Down – at the top. Make a list of 10 steps that you could take to reduce anxiety, worry and listlessness. Choose your top five and follow up on them. They could include – learning to meditate, avoid negative situations and people, find a creative and positive outlet, organise your finances or routine, say ‘no’ to others, go for a massage, rearrange your house, declutter your home, catch up with a close friend and share with them, reduce everyday stress, take breaks at work away from others or somewhere outside, escape to nature.
Healing occurs when we realize that letting go of anger is not about others. We get angry at others and think that staying angry will somehow punish the other person for what they did (or what we perceive), and we want to hold that anger like a weapon to beat on them. To quote along the lines of Buddha, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Letting go of anger is about you, and you reclaiming the happiness that you deserve. Quite often we blame our environment or others for our problems, suffering, and frustrations. We think ‘if only’ this, or if only that, we wouldn’t have that trouble. But it is actually our reaction to the environment that is the cause of troubles. The circumstances are neutral.
What can we do when we feel anger?
- Use positive affirmations to hold onto your calmness – “I am a peace, I am calm” repeat and focus on your breathing.
- Challenge yourself, when you are angered at others look for the positives in them, find the positive in them that outweighs the negative.
- Leave the immediate environment. Be alone and take timeout and find a healthy outlet – a walk, a run, nature, pat your pet etc.
- Reflect on yourself – be honest, when we feel anger towards others there is usually some inner frustration of your own – face it. Instead of blaming others, ask yourself why you got upset.